There was a time when I became frustrated because it seemed that a seed of dream in my heart would never bear fruit. At that time, I was looking for a job abroad. Too tight of my budget and yet I faced so many barriers along the way. I applied so many agencies, I passed every interview, but during processing, there were obstacles that's very obvious of me not to go. My intention is good why I wanted to venture a work in a strange land. Why can't it be given to me for so long? It was a time of real disappointment for me, I owed so much but still it turned out to be a red light.

Finally, I got to come to Thailand. A totally tourist adventure. My life was full of joys and sacrifices in this place. I landed into teaching far enough from my profession as pharmacist, but my heart is full of passion to teach. The challenges I met with my students developed my patience. Children from mostly dysfunctional families.

I got mad with God. I thought I do not want church anymore. I was really weak in my faith, so weary of all my trials that I thought I couldn't bear anymore. When I think of past grudges with my colleages, it added revenge in my heart. Why Buddhists are cool and christian workmates are in fact freaky? Nobody I could talk to how I felt a hard life. I was asking for God's grace to help me make it through but it seemed off. I didn't hear a sign. So these past months, my heart became empty. Spirit's voice kept me from thinking if God has put me in this Buddhist country for a purpose, then why these people influenced me much especially in their attitude towards others. I examined my life as a Christian but it seems shameful that those people who doesn't believe in God have good practice in their teachings than those Christians.   I studied new teachings aside from Christianity to really know what am I here for and to find a better way.

One night on my way to bed, I talked to God like He's beside me, asking for a sign that I know it will not be received. So faithless. I got up early in the morning for work. In school, I received a positive answer on my request to God that all I said was, "You are there Lord". I was testing God for a specific deal for Him to prove He is there. I can't figure out why it was answered. My requests were mostly positive.

I know God is bringing me back. He doesn't want me to find another way without Him. I was once had an adventure with Him in His mission field but too weary for the attacks that is unbearable. I could feel His hands wanting me to come and embrace Him. I was lost and each day is a new day learning to walk closer to Him and know Who is God? What is He doing in my life? Does He love me that much? So may questions that I know He will reveal in my daily walk with Him.

I don't want to quit my walk with Him. I don't want to give up. Jesus performs so many miracles that I believe He can do it to me, too. I run this race with Him and He is ultimately involve in what I considered a joyful odyssey.

"Dear Lord, my Life is in Your hands. As I draw closer to you, I need Your saving grace, Your loving concern, faith and Your strength to make it through. I can't live a day without you".

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galatians 6:9-10.

This verse kept on reminding to keep on keeping on. He is just a prayer away.

May everyone be blessed in many ways. Love & peace,  Joy

~~~through it all~~~

I've had many tears and sorrows
I've had questions for tomorrow
There've been times I didn't know right from wrong
But in every situation
God gave blessed consolation
That my trials only come to make me strong

I've been a lot of places
And I've seen so many faces
But there've been times I've felt so all alone
But in that lonely hour
In that precious, lonely hour
Jesus let me know I was His own

Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word

So I thank God for the mountains
And I thank Him for the valleys
I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through
Cause if I never had a problem
I wouldn't know that He could solve them
I wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do

Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word
Yes, I've learned to depend upon His Word
I've learned to depend upon His Word